Or if you were home-schooled, thank a parent. Probably one of yours. Unless you were home-schooled under another persons parents....which is essentially what a normal school is. Nevermind, just be happy you can read.
If you didn't hear, this blog got deleted. I had to go back and repost all the blogs, but don't feel bad for me, I'll be okay. I do need something from you though. See right over there? ------> I need you to go over there and click that little white button that says "Follow". Even if you already did it, you were deleted when the blog was removed, so I need you to do it again. I'm not happy about it either. Don't let it ruin your day. Please do it now. Thanks.
One of the more recent hobbies I've picked up is messing with people on airplanes. Obviously I'm not talking about yelling bomb while in the airplane bathroom. That jerk Bin Laden took all the fun out of that. I'm talking a smaller scale, like just messing with the people next, behind, or in front of you. There is really an infinite list of ways to do this, but here's one for you newbies, and to be honest it's kind of my favorite. Stay completely silent for the entire plane ride, not a single word. Pack up as people are leaving the plane and be sure you are absolutely ready to leave. Then, and this is where you have to be convincing, say something to the person that was next to you. A good example is, "Hey it was great to talk to you. Good luck in Dallas and I hope everything works out with the food shelter." Are they even going to Dallas? Have they ever even seen a food shelter? Who knows? Who cares? Keep a straight face and calmly walk off the plane. You'll probably never see them again. Maybe at the baggage claim but then you can just act like nothing ever happened. Or hide behind the trashcan. Your call. For the bolder of you, you can always go with something like grabbing their arm semi-harshly, looking powerfully into their eyes, and softly but angrily whispering "Remember, do NOT let them know we were ever on this plane. NEVER." When that happens, it's best to leave the airport at a brisk jog with sketchy glances backward at random intervals. I'm not insane. Try this and tell me it's not fun.
As of now I am on a month and a half countrywide journey. Currently I am on the West Coast in northern California. On the way here I flew into Phoenix to visit some amigos. Let's just say that was an interesting trip. In the first four hours I was picked up, I saw most of my friends went to a Young Life function, and, oh yeah, saw a horribly gruesome accident, was covered in other people's blood, held a severed arm and watched a girl die. Okay, slight exaggeration. In fact, most of that is not true at all. But that's what it felt like. I didn't even really see the accident, but me and my friend who I shall call Dr. Seuss were the first on the scene. The car had been t-boned, one girl was trapped in the car, one was bleeding from her face, and one was completely okay. Naturally, we stopped to perform our civic duties as critical first aid until the ambulances got there. There were a few problems with this. Firstly I have very little, scratch that, NO medical experience at all. The extent of my medicinal knowledge ends abruptly at "Take two Advil every 4-6 hours." Secondly, I got a busy signal when I called 911. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is not supposed happen. To their credit, I think there were a lot of people calling for that accident. Anyway, Dr. Seuss immediately set to work on the bleeding girl to stop the bleeding and whatever else you do to save someone's life. I opted to try and help slash calm down the girl that was pinned in the car. I did my best to get her out (failed), and then just settled with calming her down and assuring her everything would be okay. I'll never forget what she said to me when she could finally talk, "Who ARE you?!?" I could just feel the love.
I was asked the other day I was asked what superpower I would have if I could choose. Usually I go for shock value and choose what I deem to be the most useless though entertaining superpower I can think of. My go-to for some time now has been the ability to anything I choose into a slushy. However in a stroke of weirdness about an hour ago I realized that I had a new one. From here on out, I will choose to have the ability to turn into a seahorse at any given time.
The whole reason I came out here initially is because two of my best friends just got married. It was a beautiful wedding, a lot of fun, and now it's over so the world is back to revolving around me. Seriously though, congratulations you two, who I'm pretty sure don't even read this, but hey, it's the thought that counts. Anyway, I realized something through that journey which I honestly should've seen coming. If you've ever been a single guy with multiple coupled friends, you've felt this. For some reason, when the majority of people are in relationships they feel the need to "fix" the people that aren't. I'm not bitter about this, as I've met several great people through it, I'm just saying that it's just what happens. At a wedding, this is multiplied by infinity. Instead of fixing all the singles, it seems as though the whole wedding party finds the one most emotionally inept, relationally crippled person at the wedding, in this case it happened to be me, and immediately start finding me a wife. Let's be honest, I've got a long way to go before I get married. I'm about as good at being in relationships as Pluto is at being a planet.
After the wedding, I shot up to Chico for a little bit, then made the 9 hour drive (AGAIN) back down to San Diego, or as I like to call it "North Mexico". Whilst down there for one of my friends graduations, I discovered something about a certain form of common transportation. I have determined that what type of bicycle you ride is directly proportional to the mood you are in while riding it. I joked about it on the first day we were down there, but as the trip went on I payed attention to the bikers that we passed and it held true for every one of them. Here is what I found: If you're riding a cruiser bicycle you are in a great mood. Seriously, have you ever seen somebody frowning while riding a cruiser? No. Well maybe if they're being chased by rottweilers. Other than that, if you're on a cruiser, you've basically accepted the fact that you look goofy as hell and you might as well go with it. Second, if you're riding a street bike, you're pissed. Or really really concentrated/constipated. I'm not talking like motorcycle street bike, I mean the Lance Armstrong kind. And let's face it, there is a clear reason why people are angry when on those things. If you're a guy, those bicycles are about as comfortable as the electric chair. If you're a girl, why are you even on a street bike. You're supposed to be happy, please go ride a cruiser. Lastly there are the mountain bikes and everything similar. Accordingly, the people riding them are about the average of the other two, none seem very angry, but no one is elated to be riding. Most are just content. And that's how it should be.
I want to know who the first person was that ever did the one dollar more thing on The Price Is Right. You know the thing where you're the second to last person to bet and you go with $780, and the last person guesses $781. Cause I still watch that and think, "Wow, that guy is a DICK." But can you imagine the first person who ever did that?? I can only imagine it was a catastrophe. The person who bet $780 probably just sat there shocked until they got enough nerve to throw a punch, the rest of the contestants probably just used harsh words,cause you know, they're not really affected. Bob Barker I assume just threw his skinny little mic at the person and stormed off stage, outraged to be involved with such low ball playing. I just want you to know, Mr. One-Dollar-More, you disgust me.
Fact of the Day: Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them would burn their houses down - hence the expression "to be fired."
Shout out to Olivia Lea.
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