Sunday, May 1, 2011

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.


So basically all self-acclaimed bakers are full of it.

I recently came upon a very overlooked awkward situation.  We all know the classic awkward moments such as when you trip in public and you know people saw,  telling a long joke that and nobody laughs at the end, or literally any situation at all in an elevator.  However, this one is what I like to call a "sleeper", meaning it gets way overlooked, but ends up dominating: when someone walks in on you while you're putting on deodorant.  Hold on!! Don't jump to conclusions, and don't be lulled into a sense of false security.  It really is quite devastating. Imagine with me for a second that you are in your house/apartment/tent, and are apply your choice of anti-perspirant/deodorant with your shirt uncomfortably pulled up above your armpit, and suddenly you look to your right and there, out of midair, a person (of the opposite sex for maximum awkwardness) is reservedly starting at you.  [Cringe]

Today, while in econ again, I noticed that I have a continuing habit when it comes to eating little chocolate treats.  During the lecture (which was about as interesting as a conversation about the pros and cons of installing rain gutters in the Dead Sea), I began another series of what I like to call "M&M Duels".  You may think you don't know what this is, but I would be willing to bet that most every one of you have done at least one M&M Duel in your lifetime, whether or not you realized the awesomeness of the game.  Let me explain: When I eat M&M's, I refuse to go about it in the traditional form, but instead do it by choosing at random 2 M&M's from the pack, hold them together with my index finger and thumb, and squeeze.  Anyone of you that has ever done this subconsciously, just thought, "Oh my God, I HAVE done that!!"  Anyway, as a result, one of the M&M's crushes, leaving the other intact.  This survivor is obviously the "winner" and moves on to the next round.  Every now and then you get a mutant with some kind of deformation, which usually means only bad things, and they are easily beaten.  You do, however, sometimes get a mutant with a positive deformation that then tends to dominate the rest of the pack.  This continues until the whole pack is used up.  Try to not do that next time you have M&M's, I dare you.

On the bus today there who, by the volume of her voice, wanted the entire population of the bus to know how her weekend went.  This included everything from how she slept Friday night, to how she lied about having a super-god boyfriend to get a guy to quit hitting on her.  First off, I have about as much sympathy for her as I would if she told me her pet rock died.  Second, I would rather count backwards from 10 billion by thirteens than listen to the rest of your shouting.  Please it down.

I have a friend that moved to England a couple years ago, and I just talked to him today (I'll call him Winston Churchill).  Well after talking for a while, our conversation turned to sports.  This is where it got interesting, as they have very different views about sports over there across the pond.  Obviously, they love football (soccer), and hate American football.  Instead, they play rugby, which according to Mr. Churchill, they say is just like American football, just without stopping every twenty seconds while wearing full body Kevlar body armor.  Ouch.

To be honest, cleaning the kitchen ranks somewhere in between shaving my face with lava and removing my genitalia with a cheese grater, but seeing as we now how enough trash, dishes, and raw material to build an exact replica of the Vatican, I should probably get to work.

Fact of the Day: In English pubs, ale was ordered by pints and quarts.  So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."  It's where we get the phrase "Mind your P's and Q's."

Shout out to Camrea Sawyer.

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