There are two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one works.

It's kind of a natural disadvantage for us men.  Don't get cocky on us either women.  We may be wrong some/most of the time, but that doesn't mean that your tactics are even remotely rational or logical.  That being said, I admire anyone who can win an argument without ever being logical whatsoever.

I feel like recently...No wait.  Scratch that.  This has always been.  Spark Note Summary:  People are too easily offended.  You can be talking about ANYTHING, and there are some people will twist it beyond belief just so they can call you out on offending them.  And I seem to have the pleasure of running into these vegan, atheist, minority loudmouths everywhere I go.  I have no problem with anybody's views at all, but no, dammit, when I said I was hungry I didn't mean that I advocate eating dogs in Korea or cannibalism.  I meant that I wanted Subway.  Take it down a notch for Christ's sake.

I think if I ever end up teaching a class of any sort (can you imagine??), I am definitely going to use Scantrons.  Then I'm going to map the answers so they are in triple sets of the same letters.  You know, like:

1) B

2) B

3) B

4) E

5) E

6) E

...and on and on, just because I know that nothing would come close to messing with me as much as if that happened to me.  I would honestly have a heart attack.

The other day I was talking with a friend who we'll call Cinderella.  Me and Ms. Can't-Find-My-Shoe were having a great conversation.  Then I realized she lives in California and I live in Atlanta, and what better for me to bitch about than the weather, right?  Right.  It was a rhetorical question, don't be a jerk.  Anyway, while she's having her second summer in the past eight months, I am waking up to 42 degree rain.  Fabulous.  Anyway, she suggested that I go find someone to kiss in the rain.  Adorable, huh?  Well me being the completely heterosexual male that has a hidden addiction to chick flicks as I'm convinced most guys are, I agreed.  Then I realized something very depressing.  Here it is: That kind of situation will most likely never spontaneously happen, simply because of the fact that most people will be a second away from it and think, "Oh shit!  My phone's getting soaked!"  End of Movie.  But then again, we'd probably check the weather beforehand on our iPhones, so we'd never be in the situation at all.  Now I'm just getting cynical.  Long story short, we suck compared to movies.

I just realized today how awesomely nerdy it is to see somebody pull out a pocket watch on a chain nowadays.

This morning I woke up an hour earlier than normal just so I could have time to leisurely hang around and make a good breakfast.  After an hour of Sports Center and Facebook, I realized that I was going to have to pick up breakfast on the way to class.  Being the adventurous soul that I am, I decided to stop at a tiny little hole in the wall place that was either going to be one of those "best-kept-secret-more -awesome-than-gold-plated-gold" places, or it was going to give me two types of food poisoning and possibly malaria.  I had my headphones in and music blasting, but when I walked through that door my music was immediatly drowned out by what sounded like someone mixing a bucket of nails and dynamite in a nuclear powered blender.  Fortunately that was not the case.  It turned out just to be the lone cashier, who felt it was necessary to work the cash register like it was a M60 machine gun.  First crisis avoided.  When it was my turn, I stepped to the register and started to order a normal breakfast plate with an omelet and, of course, the all-important bacon.  However, halfway through my sentence, another worker brought up an order of what I assumed was a combination of dog vomit and asparagus.  Then she read the ticket which said it was a two egg omelet.  At this point I am halfway through my sentence, and in a state of panic I tried to change my order.  And of course, for some reason, when you try to quickly change what you're saying mid-sentence, your voice raises substantially.  Basically it resulted in this:

Cashier: "Hi what can I get for you?"

Me:  "Hi, I think I'll have the two egg ommmaaaAAAHHHH  BACON!!  JUST BACON!"

Cut to the scene where I am sitting at my desk with a plate equalling half my body weight in bacon.  I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have a plate of bacon, I'm just saying that there are much easier, less embarrassing, and quieter ways of getting it.

Snack Of The Day:  Oatmeal Cream Pies

Virtue Of The Day:  Patience.

Shout out to Morgan Blofsky.