Sunday, May 1, 2011

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.


Well, it's either forever or I die at 35.  I'm really cool with either.

How bout that flight in?  Wait.  No.  I swore I'd never say that.  Excuse me while I head butt the wall.  Okay, better.  Seriously though, after my flying experiences, roughly 4,632 of them, I am finally excited to say that security is back to normal.  I flew recently and they after years of turmoil, we are once again allowed to bring finger nail clippers on the plane.  I understand banning knives and such, but I never quite understood the clippers.  Let's be honest, if you're someone that can hijack a plane with a set of nail clippers, chances are you can do it without nail clippers too.  Besides a gnarly pinch, there's not much you can do with nail clippers.

While we're talking about banning dangerous thing on airplanes, I'd like to talk about some other things I find sketchy.  I'd like to bring to attention one of the most prominent dangers to America (besides Oprah, memory foam, and Kleenex).  This is imminent danger is none other than tortilla chips.  Take it in.  Recently I was enjoying one of my ex-favorite snacks, chips and salsa, and then it all when south.  There I was, being a completely decent human being, indulging in a little junk food before dinner, and all of a sudden the tortilla chi[ps turned on me, ganged up and tried to take me down.  It subtly broke itself into a diabolical shape small enough to fit in my throat, but large enough to get stuck, and sharp enough to cut a diamond.  We cannot sit idly by while these lightly fried salted triangles unify against us!  Down with tortilla chips!!

Walking out of the gym the other day I witnessed an entertaining yet slightly confusing event.  There was a guy outside, and while I don't want to say he was fat, he was at least....misshapen.  What I'm trying to say is that he very clearly was not an athlete, meaning not one of those blessed individuals that can eat whatever they want whenever they want and still be in shape.  *Sigh*  Oh, to be young again.  Alas, I stray.  Anyway, this particular human had been working out while I was, and when I stumbled upon him outside he was eating McDonald's (yes Micky D's again) and smoking a cigarette.  Where to start......  I mean I can appreciate the effort, but all I'm saying is that in his case, smoking cigs and eating shit food, working out is comparable to polishing the deck chairs on the Titanic.  It's all gonna look real good while it's sinking into permanent ruin.

Today I happened upon and strange student, who I will call Happy Feet.  This guy was in in the Natural Sciences building and was dancing by himself in the upstairs hallway.  That's weird, but I guess it's not unheard of.  What took it over the line was that Mr. Happy Feet didn't have headphones in and there was no music playing.  I can only assume he was interpretive dancing to the singing of the voices in his head.  He was one of those guys that I would assume is waaaaaay out of his mind.  You know, like the ones that eat cotton balls on their smores and swear they never turned six, just went straight to seven.  Who am I to judge though?  Dance on, my insane fellow student, dance on.

Fact of the Day:  The word "queue" in the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.

Shout out to Adrienne Beauchamp.

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