We can't all be heroes, somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

That pretty much plays along with the "set your goals low" motif I've been living my life by.  Seriously though, if everybody was heroic then what the hell would we have parades for?  Actually scratch that, I would be completely okay having a parade for nothing but cartoon characters (and maybe Flaming Hot Cheetos).

I have a friend, I'll call him Grandmaster Flash, and we went to walmart the other day to do some casual shopping for necessities.  To be completely honest, we were looking for candle or plug-in; basically something with the odor-eliminating capability of a six story bottle of Febreeze scented with Spring Flowers & Chuck Norris, that could eliminate or at least mask the "fragrance" that was haunting our house after a weekend of hosting events.  So we're walking down the aisle and all of a sudden Mr. Flash explodes in a furry of exclamations, of which I could only discern "fluctuate"  and "shoelace".  It turns out I was way off, and what he actually said was somewhere along the lines of "you really need to get this candle".  Long story short we got the candle, which was in the scent of Angel Whispers.  Angel Whispers.  First off, what the heel do Angel Whispers smell like?  Second, does that not sound bad to anybody else?  To me, that sounds about as okay as having a scented candle of Baby Tears.  It smells really good, regardless.

I'm convinced that even with all the political statements, "I didn't do it", "It's not you it's me", and "I'm fine", the biggest lie told in the history of communication is "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service."

I miss being in elementary and middle school and sticking a pencil through that tiny hole in the ruler and making a helicopter.

I found out today that there has been a recall on 200 million strollers because they are strangling the children placed in them.  Do you understand?  We are now making baby strollers that actually kill babies.  That's like euthanizing unicorns.  IT IS NOT OKAY.

Dammit.  We just had a break in my class, so I went to get a drink at the local drink machine.  I only had a fiver, so I figured I'd use the five and get ones in return.  How convenient that the machine takes five dollar bills, right?  WRONG.  What I didn't see coming was the fact that it then gives the entirety of your leftover money ($3.75) in quarters.  Awesome.  To clarify, this is a big deal for me because I am one of those people that would rather swallow a tire iron than have a pocket full of change that sounds like Jingle Bells every time I take a step.

Person/Juice of the day:  O.J. -  It's a killer when it comes to Vitamin C.

Soup of the Day:  Broccoli Cheddar from Panera.

Random Fact of the Day:  The ears of a cricket are located on the front legs, right above the knee.

Shout out to Maggie Allen.