Sunday, May 1, 2011

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.


And mine is about 63 lines down.

I feel like a solid 47% of my life is spent looking for things I just put down a second before.

Time to vent:  At school today, I sat in the library at the table next to two other people probably around the same age as me.  In any other setting, I would have assumed they were completely respectable, knowledgeable individuals.  Fortunately for me, they very quickly showed me how wrong I would have been.  I am not going to quote the conversation they were having because I get heated thinking about it, and this is not a political blog.  However to put into perspective the level of intelligence that was present in this conversation, if someone that was dropped on their head as a child is stupid, then these two were thrown at the ceiling, clocked by the ceiling fan, knocked out the window, and dropped three stories onto their skull, at which point their common sense was put into a blender and crushed into a fine puree and poured down a sewer drain.  Not real bright characters, these two.

Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

Heads up to the Price is Right, Real World Vs. Road Rules, etc.  We have already seen the single greatest tv gameshow ever.  It's called Legends of the Hidden Temple, and you will never be that cool.  Give up.

I swear, somebody up high is messing with me.  I have been going to class twice a week for three months now, there are only around 25 people in my class, and today I saw two people I have never seen before.  I honestly believe that there is a plot to make me go insane (too late) in which someone gets my class schedule, and 36 classes in, starts switching people out and putting new students in.

If you're in an argument and it has lasted more than four minutes, there are very few things that suck as much as the feeling you get when you realize you're wrong.  Luckily I've never had to experience that, I'm just repeating what I've heard....

Today, while sitting in economics I started to hallucinate in a mild form.  Actually, it was more like vividly picturing a live daydream (same thing?).  Regardless, as my teacher was giving his lecture, and I was still paying attention mind you, I began to see everything as if we were underwater.  Not like the blurry, murky, "This chlorine is killing my eyes" kind, though.  It was more like everybody was kind of floating around.  It was awesome.  It started getting weird when my teacher turned into a flounder with glasses and classmates turned into what looked like the cast of Finding Nemo, but then I laughed because I realized that I was in class with fish, aka in a "school" of fish.

I wish all the naps I missed when I was younger worked like rollover minutes.  Rollover naps.  There's a pun there somewhere but I can't quite put my finger on it right now.

I know a guy, we'll call him Dr. Dre.  He is a general surgeon, so obviously he has his shit together.  Anyway, the reason I bring him up is that he is the only person I have met that can quickly, easily and neatly fold a fitted sheet.  Thus, I have come to the conclusion that in order to be able to fold a fitted sheet, you must complete four years of high school, four years of college, and four more years of grad school, all while maintaining at least a 3.0, and then be deemed suitable to surgically open up a human being and give them a new kidney.  Seems fair, as if you give me a fitted sheet and tell me to put it away, it's going into a ball and being shoved under the other sheets in the closet.

To everybody that always looks at me when I'm walking back from the grocery store:  Yes, I would rather carry nine bags on each arm than make two trips.  And no I don't need your help......okay fine can you just open the front door?

Sometimes it's 9pm.  Sometimes it's 8am.  There's no telling when it will strike, but at some point, there comes a moment when you know you are not going to do a single productive thing for the rest of the day.  And mine just hit.

This is going to be one hell of a week.

Shout out to Katie Mann.

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