If you're one in a million, there are about 7 thousand people exactly like you.

I bet you feel special now, huh?  Well you shouldn't.

Well, Spring Break is over.  I had fun though.  Chico represent.  Dirty 530 baby.  To most of you, that means absolutely nothing, as it should.  Put the gun down, take a couple deep breaths, and don't worry about it.  It's not that important and your pet rock needs you around.  Anyway, I hate the first day back.  It's like the day after Christmas, except instead of a bunch of cool presents, you have a hangover.  I'm about as excited as a cow headed to the butcher, and about as clueless.  I just want summer, and as fast as possible.  On the up side I'm done with school on April 28th, which I can only believe is because our school calendar-maker is on loads of Speed, and wants everything done at a Nascar tempo.

You know what weirds me out?  When someone says, "Let's go grab a coffee."  When someone says that, I immediately picture a room with about 50 winged cups of coffee flying around frantically, and that person is jumping around trying to catch one.  But that's just me.

I like animals.  Who doesn't, really?  I have problems with the zoo, though.  The aquarium is one thing because when I go to the aquarium I expect to see animals that are just chillin, so there are no disappointments.  The zoo is a different story, however.  It's gotten boring.  Really, really boring.  If I want to see a sleeping monkey, I'll tranquilize one.  In my opinion, the zoo should be an educational and fun experience.  That being said, I believe that we should put all the animals in one cage.  I think it would be a lot more interesting, and would teach everybody about the chain of command in the animal world.  It might be a little controversial, but then again we could solve that by throwing PETA into the cage too.  Everybody wins.

While we're on the topic of controversy, let's talk about steroids.  It's come to my attention that people are frustrated with athletes that are use steroids.  These people are stupid.  These are the same people that say "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game," which we all know is shit.  "It doesn't matter."  Pssh.  Maybe when you're too young to know the name of the game you're playing, but let's face it, as soon as you hit puberty it matters.  A lot.  For the majority of sports-related people, winning or losing determines their employment status, salary, or scholarship.  And let's be honest, we don't watch sports for wholesome personalities or to see people try really hard, we watch it because we want our team to kick ass and take names.  Even when we don't have a bias for one of the teams, we still want to see a good performance, not a good effort, and no they are not the same thing.  We, as humans, want to see the best of the best, which is why we don't watch women's sports. (ZING!)  But regardless of who's playing, the better they are the more enjoyment we get out of it.  That's why, in my opinion, performance-enhancing drugs are actually just enjoyment-enhancing drugs, and they should be very legal.  Plus, can you imagine sports if we legalized them?  Players would be near invincible, and our drug companies would be getting money from the NFL to research and develop pharmaceuticals that turn average Joe's into superhumans!!  Long story short, if you're against steroids, you're basically saying you want all of humanity to be weak and die.  How unpatriotic can you be??  It's just irrational and it makes me sick.

Now that we're talking about sports, here are some that really piss me off and I think should be banned from existence:

-Handball.  Really?  Face it, you're just tennis for the poor.  Please go away.

-Curling.  I'll be honest, I was leading the pack during the olympics cheering for the curlers.  And it was a large pack.  But that's just it, we love it because it's the biggest joke to ever hit the sporting world.  It's a combination of Ice Skating and Shuffleboard, neither of which are real sports in the first place.

-Cricket.  Yes I realize I'm ignorant because it's the second most played sport in the world, but guess what?  It's named after a bug.  All creditability revoked.  Also, it has roughly 312,000 rules.  It sucks.

-Table Tennis.  I'm not really sure I need to go into detail here.  Yea, it's a fun game recreationally.  And that's where it ends.  Any point beyond that is just embarrassing.  If handball is tennis for the poor, table tennis, or ping pong (which makes me think of a panda) is tennis for the nerds.  The fact that there are actual leagues for it make me want to throw up.  Put down the paddles, go continue playing World of  Warcraft, and stop pretending you're athletes.

The other day I overheard a couple classmates talking about how they had a friend who was a music major.  They were commenting about how worthless of a major Music is, and how hard it is to find a job  out of college.  Then one student (Student 1) said that Student 2 was just as worthless.  Student 2 said, "No I'm not, I'm an Art Major." Mmhmm.  That kind of like defending your manliness by saying you play the harp.  You lose, buddy.

Happy Name Tag Day everybody!!  (If you're reading this late, it was March 10th.  You missed it.  Way to go.)

Shout out to Briar Carpenter.