Sunday, May 1, 2011

I find it ironic that a cemetery can raise its burial costs, and blame it on the higher cost of living.


Those prices will kill you. (HA)

Speaking of cemeteries, today in my physics class we were talking about something relative or motion related, I don't really know as I wasn't really paying attention.  I did zone in long enough to hear the beginning of an example problem about a coconut, then promptly took a return flight to La La Land (Priceline.com got me a great fare).  As I am daydreaming about God knows what, I realize that I am getting the significantly strong scent of coconuts.  So, being a reasonable human being, I think to my self, "Why the hell are there coconuts in a classroom in the middle of Atlanta, Georgia?!?"  Fortunately for me I did not say that out loud, for when I surveyed my surroundings, there were no coconuts to be found.  I then proceeded to the next logical step.  "My god I'm having a STROKE!"  Quick! Can I use both my hands?!  Yes.  Can I see out of both eyes?!  Yes.  Can I speak?? [Leans over to kid to the left]  "Did she say coconut or doughnut?"  Check.  Okay, calm down, Tab.  You're fine.  Breathe deeply.  Count to ten.  Everything's fine.  In the end, I'm just chalking it up to the fact that I was hungry, but that's boring, so we're going to pretend that I found a fresh coconut under my desk, and used it to fend off a herd of wild monkeys while my classmates escaped, and I did this all while having a stroke.  Suck it, Chuck Norris.

So guess what I found out the other day?  There is a show now called "Sid the Science Kid."  Now, this may not incite any extreme emotions out of you, and if it doesn't, there is something seriously wrong with you.  You may ask "Why?"  Five words:  Bill Nye the Science Guy.  That's why.  If you don't know who that is, go slam your head in a car door, then Google him.  Anyway, this kid is infringing on my childhood and I'm not okay with it.  All I'm saying is that Sid better be a direct relative of Bill, or he's going to have a potentially dangerous explosion the next time he goes into his lab.  Back off Sid.  Back off.

Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?

Speaking of blood relations, I'm convinced that one of my general education classes, Global Issues to be specific, is taught by the brother of the guy who drives the Cash Cab.  This was pointed out by the girl that sits next to me while he was going over the test we just had, question by question.  He would ask each of the questions and give us time to answer.  It got hard to stay quiet when somebody answered wrong and he replied "Oooh, strike one."  He asked a question and nobody answered, and it was all I could do to not ask if I could use a Street Shoutout.  This basically made this class bearable for the rest of the semester.

In the recent past I visited a friend, who will go unnamed.  Since this unnamed "friend" is worthless (ie. had to go to work and left me alone), I went to hang out with some of his friends in that town.  During this little adventure, their gardener revealed to me what I believe to be one of the most significant accomplishments in human history.  This creation births from genius, luck, fate, and what I can only assume to be God's own hand.  The creation?  It is.......wait for it....... Ranch with Bacon.  WHOA!! Right?!?!  Mind.  Blown.  Greatest invention in the history of EVER.  I don't know how we didn't think of it earlier, seeing as how it is common knowledge that bacon and ranch are the 2 greatest substances on earth.  Separate, they near perfection.  Together...it's like a ballistic missile of awesomeness just exploded in your mouth, leaving "perfection" crying in a corner looking like a little bitch.  I would gladly take a bullet for whoever came upon this monumental discovery.

Fact Of The Day:  Clint Eastwood started by digging pools for a living, and has now directed more movies than both Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.

Birthday Of The Day:  Galileo Galilei (1564).

Shout out to Jesse Mount.

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