Here's some advice: Follow this blog. I'm at over 800 views per week, yet still only 20 of you are following. I need you to change that. Please and thank you dammit.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think I may have discovered one of the most underrated things in all of humanity. I'm assuming most of you reading this have been to college. Not necessarily even passed, but at least "attended" one semester. In that one semester, chances are your teacher gave you a syllabus with the grading policy on it. The other day I was reading through the syllabus for my summer class, doing the traditional "What will I get if I make a 50 on the last quiz and an 84 on the last test? If I ace the final and get a 90 on my homework total, will I still get a B?" etc etc. What I realized though, is that in nearly every class, a dropped quiz grade option is almost expected. And in some classes, a dropped TEST GRADE is given. How the HELL is that even okay?!? When you first see it, you're like "Oh, that's awesome! That will really help my grade, and it's not too ridiculous of an idea, as we take five test anyway, so the best four really are the measure of us." ABSOLUTELY NOT. You are horribly horribly wrong. Sit down and really think about what a dropped test grade means. "We are going to teach you everything you'll need to know so you can make it in the next course. Here is a test proving to us that you actually know what you're talking about, and won't get to the next course be asked a question, have an seizure and shit yourself. Wait, you failed this test? It's possible that you know literally nothing about any of the material we spent the last three weeks learning? That's actually very apparent, as I see there are only dragons, unicorns, and drunk leprechauns drawn all over your test. But don't fret! We are prepared to let you completely discount the last three weeks, act as if it never happened, and give you a passing grade in the class. Here's a lollipop too!" When the HELL is anything like that every going to happen in the real world??? Here's a tip: It won't.* (*Exception: Unless you're phenomenally rich, a superhero, or Gary Busey.) Most people believe that, in life, you need to learn things the hard way, such as the consequences of not studying, or how much Carlos Mencia sucks. Those people, I'm sure, are plotting extremist attacks on the idea of dropped test grades. All that being said, I think dropped test grades are an incredible, career-saving invention and I don't know what I'd do without them.
You know the little hanging solar systems we made in elementary school? I wonder how many of those are awkwardly off balance now that Pluto had to be removed.
Now I know I've had my share of rants about cars, specifically the hybrid category. When it really comes down to it, I'm not opposed to the idea of hybrids. What I am opposed to, however, is the design of them. I drive from Atlanta down south yesterday, and saw what is essentially my last mental straw. I can accept that the hybrids save gas, the ozone layer, the world, Ralph Nader, etc etc, but is it absolutely necessary to design them so they look like they could be completely dismantled using a household can opener? The Honda Insight? Really. And don't even get me started on the "Smart Car". That's the biggest contradiction on the road. I'd rather drive a tank that runs on kittens and the dreams of small children than drive that "car". It was a good thought, Daimler, but do us all a favor, put that shit back in the toy box, go find your dignity (what's left of it should be in the trash can next to Charlie Sheen's sobriety), and just stick to making Mercedes.
I feel like being employed at the unemployment office might be the most ironic thing possible. Do you remember when you were a kid and you had something another kid wanted, like candy, etc, and ate it really slow, saying "Na Na Boo Boo" (whatever the hell that means...)? Well I feel like a job at the unemployment office is the ultimate Na Na Boo Boo.
Don't you hate it when the power goes out? It doesn't matter. I do. And I feel like it always goes out right when I need to charge something. That's not the point though. When it comes back on, usually after three to six hours of debilitating heat and darkness and at least three spoiled food items that were in the fridge, I always go around and reset clocks. What kills me though, is my alarm clock. There is no possible way of counting how many times I check to make sure I set the time right on the clock. Especially right before I go to sleep. It's like I'm paranoid that I set the wrong time, or set AM instead of PM, or that the freaking Keebler Elves are going to come out at night and change the time. Side Note: I have a paranoid delusion that the Keebler Elves are mad at me for not eating their cookies. It's not my fault dammit, I'm just not a cookie person. Lay. Off.
In my opinion (and another guy who could sue me for plagiarism), I think everyone needs to get their ass kicked every once in a while. It keeps you from being too cocky or becoming too complacent. So, to ensure that everyone goes through this rite of passage, I've started randomly attacking total strangers.
Fact of the Day: Hitler was a vegetarian.
Shout out to Garrett Perrigo.
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