Remember that guy that gave up? Yea, neither does anybody else.

I'm not saying "Don't Give up," I'm saying if you're going to quit, blow something up on your way out.  Nobody will forget you after that, I promise......And you thought I was going to be all inspirational for a second there, didn't you?  Step up your game, reader.  I thought you were better than that.

Are you tired of me telling you to click the "Follow" button every time?  How bout this, I'll stop adding this to every blog when I get back up to 50 followers.  I wouldn't be doing this every time if it didn't determine how much I get paid from this thing.  If you've already clicked and followed, do me a personal favor and start bugging the HELL out of anybody and everybody you know to do it too.  I don't even care if they read this crap, just have em follow it.  Deal?  Deal.

I don't care how old I get, when I'm lying in bed and I hear a noise I am absolutely positive that there is someone in my house/apartment.  And it's the smallest noises that set it off too.  Now I'm not saying that I curl up in the fetal position and start crying, but it's no small deal either.  Of course, with my mind working the way that it does, it's actually a huge scenario in my head.  (Don't worry, there's an intermission halfway through.)  For instance, I'll be in my room, waiting to be overtaken by a peaceful slumber (For some reason I feel like I'm not qualified to "slumber".  I can sleep, rest, go comatose, etc, but I shouldn't be able to slumber.  I feel like you need to be a lumberjack to slumber, but that honestly could just be because lumber and slumber rhyme.)  Wow.  Tangent.  Anyway, I'll be lying in bed, lights off, drifting off, and all of a sudden the AC comes on and causes a piece of paper to fall off the counter in the living room.  Catastrophe Rating: - 4.  In my head, however, there is a Code Red Catastrophe Rating of 147.  That little sheet of paper falling may seem harmless, but what I heard was a large, possibly Russian, male attempting to kick down my door.  When a normal, stable, sane person is in this situation, they might panic for a second, then realize that they are just being overdramatic and would talk themselves out of it and go back to sleep.  Crisis averted.  Not me.  I heard that noise, and my mind takes off at a full sprint.  I sit up immediately and start channeling my inner Jason Bourne, wondering how I can take somebody down with a ball point pen and a People magazine.  My thought process goes something like this:  "Oh my God somebody is trying to break into my apartment, why would they want to do that? I don't have anything valuable in here at all, I mean except for my laptop but it's really slow anyway... Screw that though there is NO WAY I'm going to lose all my music again.  I will fight somebody.  Shit, what can I use to fight them?  All I have in here is an ipod cord and a shit ton of dirty laundry...What if they're here to kill me?? I haven't even done anything that wrong, I mean I accidentally stepped on the shoe of that asian chick after class but she didn't look mean and I said I was sorry.... What if she didn't hear me and her dad is the leader of the Triads?  Isn't that the Asian mafia?  Are they even in Atlanta?  Oh shit what if it's an entire group of Asian mafia hitmen?  I've only got one ipod cord, I can't possibly take down 10-15 mob members!  Should I hide?  I could jump out the window...no that would just put me on the porch...screw these damn looped apartment floor plans!"  Anyway, you get the idea.  All of that takes about 4 seconds to think.  And people wonder why I'm sporadic.....

Speaking of kids, have you noticed how things seem so innocent until there's a child in the area?  Like you'll have a favorite movie, and you think that it is the most pure, simple, clean movie you've ever seen.  Then you watch it with a kid and all of a sudden the whole movie is nothing but a bunch of evil demons having sex and killing people, and the only word they know how to say is "fuck".  I realized this during my career as a babysitter in high school (3 months).  Even the environment is dangerous.  I lived in my house in Georgia (honestly I'm not actually sure how long exactly, but it was a while), and I was there the entire time without a single house-related injury.  Then, again, the kids show up.  They're there for less than five minutes before I'm looking around at my previously innocent home, and now thinking, "This place is a fucking DEATH TRAP."  Just more proof that children ruin everything.

Fact of the Day:  In Chinese, the KFC slogan "Finger lickin' good" translates to "Eat your fingers off".

Shout out to Kristen Dufour.