I think it could suck a little less and we'd still all be fine, but I'm no scientist.
Seeing as my summer just officially began, I've decided to devote this blog to summer. You're welcome, Summer. Don't let it go to your head.
To start, I've made a small list to help guide you through the summer. I call it: "Tips for the Summer". Yes, I know it's astoundingly creative, but the title isn't important, the tips are. Let's begin:
1) Rope swings are dangerous and usually illegal.
2) Alcohol and water sports do not mix.
3) Always bring shoes and a shirt.
4) Sunscreen is never a bad idea.
5) Cliff diving in unknown territory is always a bad idea.
Okay actually I'm just gonna stop there. To be honest, I follow literally none of those rules. That is the Pansy-Bitch List. Here are the rules I live by in the summer:
1) Rope swings are awesome.
2) Drink light beer. Unless of course you want to look like a slightly more red version of the Michelin man by the end of summer. Drinking in the sun burns skin, not calories. Nobody's gonna rag on you for not drinking a Guinness when it's 112 degrees.
3) Standby flights will increase your number of trips significantly.
4) Standby flights will increase your number of hours spent in an airport by an unimaginable number.
5) Skin cancer is for nancies.
6) There is an incredible difference between shell beaches and sand beaches. Always go with the latter if possible.
7) If there's a camera, it's worth it. Always. No questions asked.
Overt the past couple weeks, I've been fortunate enough to be able to vacation to a friend's lake house up in North Carolina. I went with the owner and a group of coworkers, and to be honest, when we are together we manage to transform into the most immature, irrational, unsafe group of people this side of the Prime Meridian. Anyway, I've also composed a list of tips and notes that I've learned from these two trips, and here it is:
1) Take nothing valuable if you ever want to see it again.
2) No matter how mature you think your friends are, you are wrong.
3) Men can giggle, loudly and frequently, and it is exactly as disturbing as it sounds.
4) Floating docks, while fun, are a recipe for disaster.
5) Never assume that anybody is on the same page when it comes to immediate plans.
6) Any liquid at all, if opened, is assumed to be at least partially alcoholic.
7) Whatever groceries you bought, go back and buy double.
8) Sunburns are a bonding experience.
9) The possibility of lightening should never stop you from being out on a wet wooden dock during a rainstorm. At the very worst, you'll get a good story out of it.
10) Go ahead and accept that whatever regularity your sleep schedule had previously is completely out the window.
11) There is no dancing on the tables and chandeliers. They're selling the house next week.
12) Two fully-grown guys fitting on a single kayak meant for a child is absolutely doable. That does not in any way mean it is a graceful or even remotely efficient means of travel.
13) If you can't do a flip, just flail.
14) Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you EVER stand up on a canoe and assume that your friends are decent enough not to immediately push you over.
Okay that's enough of the lists.
You what I don't understand, besides vegetarianism and people who voluntary purchase satellite television? People who wear pants in the summer. It's been over 100 degrees in Atlanta for the past two weeks, and there are still a plethora of idiots wearing pants everyday. I just don't get it. Are you impervious to temperature? Are you hiding something? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?? Do you have a human tail? As far as I'm concerned, if you have anything short of a tattoo of Barbie riding a bright orange beluga whale, you shouldn't be wearing leg sleeves after April. Get it together.
Fact of the Day: Bubble wrap was originally invented to be used as wallpaper.
Shout out to Dylan Vanderhoff.
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