Zombies are people too. Scarred, mutilated, slightly bloodthirsty people that haven't showered in a while.
Speaking of blood, I'm taking a three-week summer class, Calculus II to be specific. Needless to say, I have been in a perpetual state of misery for the past couple weeks, and have another week and a half left. All joking aside, 2 hours of calculus at 8am and then again at 2pm everyday during your summer is roughly as fun as playing hide-and-go-seek in a mostly abandoned insane asylum. My professor, some French guy, chose an opening lecture that only made things worse. The very first words he said to us were "If I'm going to be honest, it is a complete mistake for any of you to be here. If you make it through, you are going to hate me and all calculus by the end." Okay first off, unless the class involves bacon and/or waterslides, I'm going to hate it regardless. Secondly, you're French, of course I'm going to hate you. Basically what I've discovered is that no matter what, a summer class, like Chinese food at the mall, is always a mistake. Anyway, of course there are several of the stereotypical nerds in the class, but there's one in particular that is almost too much. The kid is always wearing a tucked in collard shirt, several of which have had shoulder pads, with elastic banded pants, very thick glasses, and K Swiss. I'm not making fun of him, I'm just laughing at him. Yes, there’s a difference, but I’m not going to tell you what it is. Anyway, today was different. Today, instead of the Steve Urkel-esque outfit, the kid walks in about five minutes late in full MMA gear, even holding the gloves, sweating and breathing hard with what I'm pretty sure was dried blood on his shirt. Didn’t see that one coming. I didn't even recognize him at first, but now it's comforting to know that if terrorists for some reason decide to take over Georgia State University's Classroom South Building, I have a mixture of a Rocket scientist and Jason Bourne sitting two rows down from me.
On the subject of classes, I've come to realize that my subconscious really does hate me. I will never sleep through a class, but my subconscious will wake me up three minutes before it starts. Not soon enough to actually get there in time for it to matter, but early enough to make you hate yourself for being worthless. Granted I also have to admit that my logic for the afternoon class is severely flawed. Here's the breakdown:
2 hours til class starts: “I have time to watch a 2.5 hour movie…”
40 minutes til: "I should eat something before class."
20 mins til: "I'll check Facebook real quick."
15 mins til: "Wait what books do I need again?"
10 mins til: "Crap, where is my book?"
5 mins til: "WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY KEYS???"
1 minute late: "Well they’ve probably already covered the important stuff..."
What's even worse is when I see classmates outside of class. Not like at a bar or anything, cause I can handle that, I just mean like in the library or common area on campus. Just to clarify, if I'm in class and we weren't friends before this class began, chances are I'm never going to speak a single word to you. I probably won't even acknowledge that you exist. It's not that I think I'm better than you*, I just like to keep my social life and school life very separate. Anyway, so as I was saying, I absolutely hate seeing classmates outside of class on campus, especially when it's a small class, cause then you both know that you recognize each other and someone always makes the awkward half-move to say something. Here's a tip: Don't effing do that. Just move on with your life. Sadly it's almost inevitable, which sucks because literally the ONLY thing you have in common at this point is whatever class you're taking, and everyone knows how great and long-lasting of a topic that is. (Just in case you didn’t pick up on the sarcasm there, I’m trying to say it’s a terrible, terrible, possibly even the worst topic ever conversed.) So this happens to me outside of the library last week, where he asks me if I'm ready for the test and if I know how to do a certain part of calculus. Of course I do, but I don't say that, because this situation, for me at least, is exactly like when someone asks you what your favorite movie is and you instantly forget every single movie you've ever fucking seen. So that's where the conversation dies, at which point I usually turn and run. When it comes to awkward first conversations that I really don't want to be a part of, I'm about as reliable as a homemade elevator.
*I am definitely better than you.
So I know all of you have been affected at least a tiny bit by this "You Only Live Once (YOLO)" madness. I think it's 97% annoying as hell. There are exceptions, as always, but in this case they are few and far between. Basically I am only okay with this YOLO nonsense when it's used in a snide, ironic, or sarcastic manner such as in this picture. Basically if you're not base-jumping off the Burj Khalifa wearing nothing but a 4-year-old picnic blanket and a banana hammock, you should never ever utter that phrase. Even then you still just sound like a douche. By the way, the Burj Khalifa is a building in Dubai, not a rapper. Stop being an idiot. Anyway, of course as soon as I heard the phrase, I immediately began thinking of contradictions to the statement. Here's what I came up with:
YOLO- Unless you are Jesus Christ, Harry Potter, a zombie, a cat, or believe in reincarnation.
Let me know if you come up with any more. I love shooting people down.
Well I have a ton more to write about, including my personal list of Tips For Summer, but this is getting to be a long blog, and if your like me, your attention span is so short we probably lost you back at Steve Urkel. You'll just have to wait a few days for the next one. Try and survive until then.
Fact of the Day: A Strawberry is not technically a berry, but a Banana is.
Shout out to Liz Hobafcovich.
No comments:
Post a Comment