That's the quote that comes to mind as I sit in bed the day before the Phoenix Rock n Roll Marathon. That, and the fact the the only thing I see Rocking is the beer at the finish line, and the only thing Rolling will be me through the last three miles.
Oh I didn't tell you about this? It's a funny story really, filled with epic procrastination, grandiose imagination, and totally undeserved confidence.
About nine and a half months ago I was sitting at a bar with some friends, two of which were out-of-towners and one of which was my current roommate who we'll call Benedict Arnold because a few short months later he would just up and move out, leaving me alone in our apartment for some worthless job or something. Anyway, whilst enjoying my meal, oblivious to the future betrayal of Mr Arnold, we noticed a sign advertising the Colfax Half Marathon, and my "buddy" Benedict said we should run it. I, being myself, as well as being a few beers into the night, stated with the confidence of an Iron Man athlete that I was not going to waster my time with a half marathon, and that if I was going to run a half, I might as well run the whole damn thing. Yea. I'm an idiot. But we'll get to that. Anyway, he laughed and said, "You couldn't run a marathon!!" To which I replied with he near exact words of Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, "Pssh, like it's hard!" No, idiot doesn't cover it. Marathons to athletes are like rocket science to students, it's the reference used when they need to say something is, in fact, incredibly hard. Before everybody gets their panties in a bunch, yes I know that other sports are hard in different ways, I'm just saying that none of those other sports involve constant exertion for an average minimum of four straight hours without stopping. And that's if you're in good shape. Regardless, in my reckless excitement, we typed up a four page contract, complete with medical clauses, nullification exceptions, and even a arbiter for the deal, and that was that.
I was certain that of course I could run one, as I'm in decent shape already and I had 9.5 months to train. I've got more than enough time to step up my game, I thought.......and continued to think for the next seven months. Then all of a sudden November hits. This is not good. So I start running, doing some good training when I have time, because bartending from 4 in the afternoon to somewhere between midnight and 3am while organizing 5 online courses and financial aid doesn't yield a whole bunch of free time. Then my tonsils came out in mid December, leaving me 21 lbs lighter and bedridden for 3 weeks, and not able to run until the end of the third. I do not believe I'm out of line when I say that my training regimen wasn't exactly professional grade. Oh well. So here I am, having started running again one week before the marathon, sitting in bed, feeling startlingly similar to a man on Death Row, thinking over my life and wondering where I went wrong. Except with me, I know exactly when and where I went wrong: The northwest seat of the back right table at Highland Tap & Burger in Denver, CO on March 8th, 2014.
I'm doing my best to keep up good practices leading up to the actually race, but a man can only do so much. Luckily my father was a marathon runner, so I have gotten some good insider information to make sure I don't, you know, like die or anything. Regardless, it should be an interesting experience, and you better believe I'll have a blog to post once it's over.
Seriously though, pray for me.
Fact of the day: The world's fastest marathon runner, Wilson Kipsang, ran a marathon in 2:02:23. (That's 4 mins 40 secs a mile.) The world's oldest marathon runner, Fauna Singh at 100 years old, ran a marathon in 8:11:06. (That's who I'm trying to beat.)
Shout out to Megan Denman.
